Our Year in Review {2011}

As we reflect on 2011, these are a few of the things I hope to remember...

Disney World in January... such a fun time!

College/Young Adult Ski Trip

My cousin, Aaron, married Ellis!

His first trip to the dentist; rockin' his own style.

Shower for Megan and baby Owen!

Couples class 80's night {totally radical}

Much baseball

This boy turned 5

Pre-School Graduation!!!

My 10 year high school reunion... love my Raiders!

Lots of fun outings with family and friends

Mountain trip with friends

Forth of July in Dallas with Clay and Lindsey

Brads first {mini sprint} triathalon

Enjoying Bubba's last summer before he started school

Learned Entrepreneurship

Texas Ranger Fun!

This boy started KINDERGARTEN!

Horseback riding with friends

Kayter-bug broke her arm :(

 Regular lunch dates with Daddy

This girl turned 4

My great-grandma, Wilma Lee, passed away.  Love that woman and the influence she had over my first 29 years.  

 An early Thanksgiving in Austin with the Botos

Our nephew, Colton Wyatt, was born 12/14 {sadly, I don't have his picture}

This girl turned 2

And many new, fun holiday traditions!

Blame It on the Sun

I've been a bad blogger.   I blame it on summertime.  And the pool.  And sunshine.  And green grass.  All of it draws me away from the inside.  And for that, I do not apologize.  It's better to live than to blog.

We have had such a fun summer.

As I am sure I have mentioned several times, Brad stepped out of a high school ministry roll some time ago.  ~Gosh, has it already almost been a year? Wow.~

Anyway... this college/young adult thing has really given us a summer.  A real summer with a Daddy around everyday.  We like it.

We pool-it-up as much as we can.  The last week has been a bit cool and rainy so it has given me a chance to stay home and work on a few projects.  Kayter-Bug's room survived it's big girl make over. She has a queen sized bed that enticed her and her older brother for one full week.  Then Noah Bear got bunk beds so the bunk-beds enticed them for five full days.  Now, they switch back and forth so not to show any favoritism to one particular sleeping space.

It has been fun changing things up in their little living quarters.  They are happy, therefore, I am happy.

I will show you pictures soon because you care.  Yes, you do.  So stick around because at the rate that I am going, that will come sometime around mid-September.  At least it will be before Christmas cards go out.  Speaking of Christmas, it has consumed the shelves of Hobby Lobby.  This rushing-into-the-next-season-or-holiday-or-weekend thing has taken people over.  It really bothers me.  I know it shouldn't, but it does.  Why do we rush our lives away?  Can't we all see that it is going so fast?  My boy will start kindergarten next year for crying out loud (literally).  Let's slow down.  When it is Monday, we anticipate Friday.  Why can't we just enjoy Monday?  And Tuesday.  And Wednesday.  And Thursday.  Because Friday will roll around quickly.  It always does.

For now, I will enjoy summer.  Not buy decor for Christmas. Come one, Hobby Lobby.  Help a sister out.  Bring the beach balls back!

p.s. This is one of those times when I, obviously, got carried away with fragments and beginning sentences with conjunctions. Just go with it, okay? :)

That Was Fun.

Today. 

Oh, today, today, today....

Hmmmm. 

Today.

Well, let me see. Can you tell that this tricycle has a compartment on the back? It is for wee ones to haul their goods around. It was too cold to go outside today so the kids played in the garage while I cleaned out the refrigerator. I checked on them and found Kayt playing in the back compartment. She was splashing in water.  Shocked, I asked Noah how water got in there. He said, Oh, that's not water, it's pee. 

He went on to expand his argument by saying, it's okay mom. I needed to do it. It's posed to have water in there. Are you proud of me?

That was fun.

This afternoon I was wrestling Kayt to give her a breathing treatment. Noah was quiet, problem number one. But, being the optimist that I am, I decided to practice my positive thinking in hopes that he was occupying himself with something purposeful. Shortly after, he frolicked into the living room and told me that his stomach had been hurting. Then he said, but it's better now that I pooped in the bathtub.  

You guessed it. He did. 

I'm going to Wal-Mart tomorrow to get a new bath mat.

That was fun.

While doing laundry, I raised my head up and hit it on the corner of the cabinet door above the washer.

That was fun.

I was putting toys away in Noah's closet and somehow managed to get a splinter under my fingernail. I'm still baffled by that one. 

That was fun.

To sooth my pounding headache, we headed to Sonic for caffeine. I felt I deserved a treat; Cheddar Peppers! Noah climbed over the seat and spilled the ranch dressing all over the console of my car and my cell phone.

That was fun. 

We went to church tonight and my hubby spoke on grace. He talked about just the sort of day that I had had. The one when nothing seems to go your way, you're forced to stop at every red light, your appliances break and your kids do just about everything possible to push you over the edge, yet you still love them more than your own life. And although I have the headache from below and have had a crazy, crazy day, I love my kids and their constant activity more than every good thing. I'm thankful for their healthy bodies that can terrorize the house and their booming voices and their constant speech.  It is because of grace that I love them  and grace that I am loved.

Tonight, with unwashed hair and crossed eyes, God gave me a reminder.  

That was fun.

Come on, Cupid. Hit me!

I hate to admit that in this season of love, I am just not feeling it this year.

I had great intentions while my hubby was out of town. The kids and I were going to prepare fun, sentimental things to give to him on Valentines Day. I was actually excited about having a few days at home without him so that we could prepare. Instead, the kids got sick and I have been drained of creative juice. I had on the same sweats this morning that I put on for bed Sunday night. I feel like I did when I brought my babies home from the hospital. 

The trying to be a sexy wife when you can smell spit up in your hair days. 

I'm just a bit spent. Two babies with the flu all alone gets tiring. Not to mention, I don't feel so hot myself. I started myself on an antibiotic that I had. I took it to India as a precaution and (thankfully) didn't end up needing it. Thank you, doctor Me! Hopefully by the time Brad gets home tomorrow afternoon I will be looking a bit better and feeling a bit better.  

Anyways, I was having a hard time coming up with something fun and creative to do for my husband for Saturday. We don't have a sitter so we decided that we would stay home and try to put the kids to bed early. I'm thinking Benadryl.  I kid, I kid. I found a new Chicken Asiago Farfalle recipe that I am wanting to try. A quiet dinner with candlelight and wine...sounds like a pretty good evening for parents of two young children if you ask me. That is the plan anyway. Things don't typically work out the way I plan them, so I'm not holding my breath. We may end up having a family night with popcorn and popsicles. And if that happens, I'm okay with that.

I was searching the internet for cheap ideas of fun things to do for my guy, hoping for a spark of creativity and that cupid would hit me right in the derrière with his arrow of love. 

I read one idea that made my jaw drop to the floor. 

The writers suggestions was to pack a picnic of your love's favorite foods, load them up, and take him or her to the cemetery to enjoy a quiet evening alone together. What the freak?  That is NOT speaking my love language.

The best idea I read was from a woman who rented a hot tub, moved the dining room furniture out, and had it placed in the dining room. I totally love this idea! This is actually something I would do. In fact, I may put in a few phone calls to hot tub vendors tomorrow. Isn't that fun? 

What do you have planned for the day of love? 

Any ideas that I could borrow? 

Reflecting...does a soul good

Looking back over a year brings a mix of emotions. As I think back on 2008, my first realization is how quickly one year passes. It seems like just weeks ago that Brad and I were talking about our goals and prayers for 2008. God has been so faithful to answer our cries. 

Growing up, I remember my mom saying that no matter how old she was, she still felt 16. 

Now, I can understand what she was saying. 

Time passes, things change, kids grow and responsibilities pile up, yet I still feel like I am 16 years old living under my parents roof.

Thankfully, I am not 16 anymore. 

Gosh, I was awkward. 

And my husband would have never given me the time-of-day at 16. 

Trust me, I wanted him to. 

Thankfully, baby fat disappears, braces come off, bangs go out of style and hormones regulate. 

In years to come, the things I want to remember from my life in 2008 include:

Spending countless hours at the park.

Watching every air plane that flew overhead. 

Sitting and not being able speak as I watched my very own children play together and love on one another.

Kayt's sqeals of glee as Noah chases her around the house. 

Laying in our bed on Friday and Saturday mornings as we all four snuggle together.

Date nights with my husband.

Our small group.

Finding out my husband was whisking me away for a romantic adventure for my birthday.

Girls weekend with my college friends and the countless pictures we took on the Tech campus.

The beginning of my new job.

Dudes and Donuts.

Noah's second birthday and his joy at watching Jody play the guitar and sing happy birthday.

Kayt's first birthday and how she loved her cupcake. She moaned and grunted until she had seconds.

Brad's Ordination.

Kayt blowing kisses.

Noah's reaction to his new guitar and drum set and the number of drum sticks he has broken in one year's time. 

Teaching at the Women's retreat and the timidity I felt. God used that to teach me.

The way the Lord provided for our family. 

Moving Noah into a big boy bed and how much he loves to show his room off, even months later.

Watching Kayt walk. And run. And the way she lights up when I walk into the room.

Hearing Noah say, "sure, Mom" when I ask him to do anything. His cheerful spirit and the joy he finds in everything. He is such a thankful little guy.

Spending three months not pregnant and not nursing. It feels liberating.

The overwhelming and all-encompassing love I feel for my husband and children. Sometimes I think about my life and cannot help but cry at the contentment and joy I feel during this season. 

I'm getting carried away. 

I am so thankful for the memories, moments and milestones that the Lord brought to my life in 2008. Thank you, Lord for years and months and days and ways to measure your goodness!

It Is Expected

It has been a busy week in my small world. When I haven't been mothering, I've been working and thinking. But mostly, I've been mothering.

Since my last, hurried blog, our nation has a new president-elect, the Tahoe has four new tires, my baby girl has contracted the 'yuck' and my home has accumulated astonishing amount of dirt. 

I've spent the past few days thinking about expectations.

As a woman, I have expectations to fulfill.

As a wife, I have expectations to live up to.

As a mother, I have expectations depending on me.

As a daughter, I have expectations to keep.

But who has placed the expectations in my heart and mind? 

Society? Others? The Lord? Myself?

I have aimed to sort through so many of the 'things' I feel that I am expected to do or expected to be or expected to juggle. Many of the expectations in my mind are placed there each morning by yours-truly. 

I love maintaining a spotless home, having home cooked meals on the table each evening, staying caught up on laundry and spending much time primping myself each morning. But I cannot do it all, everyday, and still maintain my soul. I cannot feed my soul, grow up in spiritual maturity and still meet all of my expectations. When I do meet all of my expectations, something is always overlooked. It is usually the thing that matters most, my soul. 

I have to let something go. Recently, grabbing dinner on occasion, as opposed to cooking, allows me to spend my day focusing on what matters most, not on what will be eaten that evening.  The care of my soul, and the soul's of my spouse and children are what matter most. For me, I also have areas of commitment that I need to step away from. Overcommitting myself, with good intentions, has caused me to push my spirit aside. 

If I were to let you know a bit about me, I would tell you that cleaning toilets does not refuel my spirt. It does for some women. I am not one of them. Do I like clean toilets? Yes. But that is not where I get the extra surge of energy that I need in my day? I am learning what does refuel my soul though. And it does not include a mop or a broom.

I am working on examining my expectations, seeing who, or what has placed each particular expectation on my life, and determining whether it is an important expectations, determined by the Lord, or if it is merely an expectation I can let go of to grow up my soul. I cannot run ahead of myself in efforts to reach a certain level of expectation, and throw away the growth that has come at too high of a price.

Some of my expectations seem ludicrous, yet I strive to meet them. Most of the 'things' I expect from myself, I would scoff at the person who actually accomplished them. I would never expect from another what I expect from myself. Am I making any sense? What do you expect from yourself that no one else expects? What can you forgo to focus on your soul? What refuels your spirit? 

They Picked ME Up

I have been a little annoyed with Me this week. It has just been one of those weeks where  I have made mistake after mistake. Everything I touch, I seem to mess up or knock off the shelf. I have hit my head, oh, say fifty times. I backed into the column on our front porch with my car. I've had very little patience. All week I have just felt frazzled. When I need to be in a hurry, I can't get it together. Do you ever have weeks like that?

It hasn't been a bad week, nothing traumatic or terrible has happened. It had just been an off week. And I am the one that is off. 

I am not complaining. Really, I'm not. I hope you don't hear it as that. I have no reason to complain. I just have not been able to get my act together this week and frankly, I am bothering myself. 

My annoyances would not even be worth mentioning if it were not for these:

A note from a new friend

And a gift in the mail from a bloggy friend.

These two, seemingly small acts of kindness were so special to me on this particular week. The Lord knew I would be off-kilter, and he used two thoughtful people to encourage me. 

I have been reminded how much a simple gesture can mean to a person. And how the Lord desires to use us, his peeps, to encourage other believers, even when we don't realize what they need. 

This morning, I was able to spend some time at a friends house catching up. For lunch, my sister-in-law and I had a date. It was so much fun to have time alone with Tara. We rarely have the opportunity to have girl-time; she is one of my favorite people to be around. And to top off my afternoon, I curled up in a chair at Barns and Noble with hot tea and a new book for over an hour before I picked the kids up from MDO. I told you I have no reason to complain. It was such a refreshing day. 

And then I smashed my hand in the door. 

Okay, I wandering now.

So, go. Put a note in the mail to a friend, just because. Buy him or her the coffee mug or the pair of stripped socks or whatever it is that makes you think of them next time you are at the store. You never know who needs a pick-me-up at that very moment. Because we all have off weeks sometimes.

Oh, and I am going to Vegas in just over 24 hours. That's helped too!!!

God of the Roach

I am heading out for the retreat.

I wanted to post something before I left, but at this very moment I am still not quite sure what I will post about.

How about this...

For the past month or so, over the course of my day, I will think this phrase: "I am God of the roach."  That is God speaking, not me. 

I didn't know why the Lord keeps saying this phrase to me, but what I had originally gathered was that he was telling  me that he is not just God of the glorious or the pleasant or the desirable, but he is also God of the small, the pesky and the seemingly unnecessary. 

The first time the Lord spoke this phrase in my mind, I was driving with my children and I was taking in the beautiful evening. The colors of the sky, the rays streaming from the sunset, and the calm evening were captivating me. In that beauty, he spoke the phrase.

I am God of the roach.

At that moment, I redirected my thoughts from the beauty and began to think of those nasty insects. Cockroaches are pests. They are of no advantage and from the research I have done they appear on most all continents. They are most always considered pests.

But since the Lord continued to speak this to me, I researched further.

I have also learned that researchers have found a balance of cooperation and competition that exist with roaches. What I am saying is that when they placed cockroaches in multiple groups, the groups all joined together, forming one group.

Also, cockroaches run from light and desire dark places. Researchers believe that only two pieces of information are used when roaches make a decision: how

 dark it is and how many of their friends are there. 

So, in all of my silly research of cockroaches, I have concluded that roaches represent sin. This goes against my initial thinking that they may be a picture of small and unwanted issues. I believe this represents larger issues, consistent, addictive sin. 

People mirror roaches more than I had previously thought. When in sin, we flee from light. We run from those who are living in freedom, we avoid any person, place or thing that represents holiness and we desire to stay in darkness. In our disobedience, we look for friends; anyone who will approve of how we are living, anyone that will join us in our darkness. We, like roaches, have two factors in our mind when dealing with sin; how dark is it and how many of our friends are there. Those living in blatant disobedience work to stay there and over time their eyes become so accustomed to living in darkness that any ounce of light makes them turn their head and hide their eyes to protect them from light.

For the person living in sin, remaining in the dark, looking for anyone who will accept the choices you are making, He is God of the roach. I believe that my God wants to remind us that, in this dark world, full of sin and people who claim to know the truth but deny any form of Godliness, he is still the Lord. He is still the Alpha and the Omega. He alone is righteous and pure.  

In our roach-like behavior and our roach-like lifestyles, he still trumps. Ashamedly I have seen someone so entangled in sin that I don't ever consider that person coming to know the Lord. I feel they are too far gone. But he is God of the roach. He is still Lord of the one person or persons in your life that you have lost hope in. For you, have hope, take heart, and keep praying. He can restore and change. In Bible study on Tuesday, we read Saul's conversion to Paul. If Paul, who persecuted Christians, can be saved and dramatically changed, so can the roach you know.

When things seem downcast for you and when evil seems to prevail, remember he is God of the roach. He hasn't lost control. This world has not run ahead of the Lord, he is worthy of our honor.

He is God of the roach.

I am not completely sure why this odd phrase keeps going through my mind, but I know the Lord will show me in time. 

The First of Many, I'm Sure

In January, I will be a part of a team traveling to the opposite side of the world.  While in India, we will take part in two different ministry agendas; orphanage ministry and a women's conference.

To say that I never imagined myself doing this type of ministry at this point in my life would be an understatement. I mean, after my children were grown and out of the house is one thing, but I have 2 babies who very much depend on their momma. When asked to join the group, my initial reaction was an instant no, but the the Lord really began to work in my heart showing me how my small world needed to be expanded, how my narrow mind needed to be broadened and how my ministry needed to be taken to the ends of the Earth.   Brad has encouraged me to go from day one. He is so great about knowing what is best for me long before I can see it.

Brad spent 10 days in India in the spring of 2007. It changed his life. He loved the thought of us being able to connect based on this journey, even though our trips will be almost 2 years apart. My husband has never once discouraged me in any area of ministry. He is willing to do whatever it takes so that I can be involved in most anything I choose. I am very aware of his sacrifices for me and his desire for me to constantly grow and become.  

My two biggest concerns, my children and the funding, are in the Lord's hands. I have raised the large sum I needed to be a part of the trip. I was blown away by the ways the Lord provided for me and how he blessed me beyond what I could have conjured up. My children will be in great care and my anxieties about leaving them for 12 days have began to decrease dramatically. I am sure as the departure gets closer I will feel many motherly emotions, but the Lord continues to remind me that he loves my children far more than I do. He is their protector and their greatest advocate. They are his, not mine. I, too, am his and not mine. For that very reason, I will now and forever go when the Lord calls me. 

I cannot fathom what ministering to hundreds of pastors wives on the other side of the world might be like. I am excited to see what this step of faith looks like for me, and am eager to share all that I learn in the mean time with you. I am sure you will hear much more about India from now until January, but I wanted to share the details of my trip and my heart about the journey. 

Handwriting

When I taught 3rd grade, I was a rarity among the teachers because I loved teaching handwriting. The efforts of those sweet souls to keep their pencil at the proper angle and allow the letters to connect with fluidity brought me a sense of satisfaction. I always loved watching the boy who cared more about coming up with football plays than doing his math homework concentrate so intently on each letter, each stroke.

I have always had a thing for handwriting. I can identify more people's handwriting than I can count. In college, on the occasions when I longed to be at home in the presence of my family, I would pull out a letter that I kept hidden in my study Bible from my mom (I still have that letter there).  I found more comfort in the familiarity of her eloquent handwriting than I did in the reaffirming words she had written. One glance at my mom's handwriting, and I can almost see her beautiful hands with the soft skin that used to hold my hand during church. 

My favorite recipes are those composed on notebook paper or index cards from my Nanna or Maw or MeMe.  Something about seeing the recipes written out in the familiar script makes me feel as though I can taste the meringue on the coconut cream pie. 

Nothing blesses my heart more than to wake up to a hand written note left on my bedside by my husband. I imagine him holding the pen, thinking of me as he jotted his thoughts. 

I know my friends handwriting by heart. 

I don't have great handwriting, but I could make a list of the people whose handwriting I love. But the truth is, I love it all.  From the messy scribble to the cursive to the people who write in all caps, handwriting is a part of the person. It defines them just as their eye or hair color. It shows their individuality and form. 

This love led me to share my favorite thing from Kayt's party. Each person wrote out a personal note to Kayt Emerson at age 1 telling her what she is to them.  I did this not only so my daughter could look back on her first birthday party and see how loved she was or who all attended, but also so that she could see the handwriting of the people who will make her into the woman she will become.  

The reality is, when Kayt is 20 her great, great grandparents won't be a part of her daily life. Those people were a part of my life and have blessed me time and again with their love and support and therefore have an affect on her life. 

I want her to see the writings of each person that loves her so deeply. I hope she appreciates the beauty these people add to her life and understands the joy she has brought to theirs. 

Kayt is so many things to so many people, but the overall theme is that she is loved and a precious gift to us all!

Just Thinking...

In the past 24 hours I've:

-done 7 (oversized) loads of laundry.

-changed more diapers than you want to know about

-cleaned pee off the carpet.

-laid on the floor so that Noah could practice his long jumping over me.

-built a house. (so what if it was with Legos)

-carried on full length conversations with 3 baby dolls at one time.

-gone through half a box of Kleenexes wiping a snotty nose

-cooked 3 meals

-took a shower with a fully clothed little boy

-used my mini-vacuum more times than I can count

-played soccer, basketball, frisbee, golf, and baseball

-the list goes on...

And you know what?

I love it. 

All of it.

I love my husband. I love my kids. I love what I do. 

I love that when my husband comes home at the end of the day and  asks me what I've done that day I can look at him with glazed over eyes and smile knowing he just wouldn't get it. Part of me thinks, do you really want to know? Another part of me thinks, if I told you you wouldn't believe me. Yet, most of me is just too exhausted to even give an account. So I usually just smile and say something to the effect of "Not much. What did you do?" And that is that.

There are days, like today, when the house is quiet during nap time that the only things that seems appropriate is to sit down and take my thankful heart before the Lord.  I love to know that I have two bedrooms, with two cribs, holding two babies that I just adore.  I love knowing that I serve a God who is faithful to an unworthy girl.  I like that it's okay to know and be comfortable with the fact that I am unworthy. 

What are you most thankful for today?

Taste and See

I want to say thank you to those of you who left comments wanting to join on the prayer journey. I really do feel like the Lord has put a burden on me for this, so if you are just now reading the previous post or were hesitant to leave your name, feel free to do so if the Lord impresses. 

The reason I would like to know names is so that I can pray for each person by name. The gals who left comments are the ones I've been taking to the Lord all day. 

If you would like to be a prayer warrior for the hearts of the women seeking him, pray for theses ladies:

Karen

Jennifer

Mary Katherine

Kristina

Jessica

Cassie

Sam

Ashley B.

Ashley H.

Amy K.

Lindsey

Mandy

Brooke

Amy B.

Ashley I.

I wanted to share what the Lord brought to my mind throughout the day. I was reminded of Psalm 34:8 Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. For anyone who is still questioning wether or not the Lord is good, or possibly if the Lord is really for you...taste and see. Give the Lord a chance to show you his goodness. Take thoughts and emotions that don't align with Jesus captive.  Speak the name of Jesus aloud when satan tries to still your joy. There is power in merely speaking the name of Jesus. 

Also, I've been challenged recently to spend time each day on my face before the Lord. I literally mean on ~ my ~ face.  Every day, at some point, I lay prostrate on the floor of my house. Some days I speak out, some days I'm silent, yet other some days I feel like I'm taking refuge. I believe the Lord has blessed my time of complete surrender. It isn't long. One day it may be 4 or 5 minutes, yet there have been days that it has turned to much longer.  Though I had done this from time to time, I had never, until recently, made a daily practice of it.  I felt like I should share that because I feel like it may be for someone else too. I encourage you to try it!

 

Remember When

Smell.

Sound.

Touch.

Sight.

Taste.

Our senses are powerful. 

Smells and music are my two greatest memory triggers. 

Certain smells spark memories taking me back to particular times in my life. One smell may remind me of crawling in bed with my mom on lazy summer mornings while another makes me think back to my first year of teaching.  Other smells remind me of camps, pregnancy, right after my children were born, my great-grandparents house, college nights, high school friends or when Brad and I were dating. Often I smell a scent and I am instantly taken back to a specific moment in my childhood and it's as if I can almost remember what that time in my life looked like. Specific emotions and thoughts overwhelm my mind.  

Music has the same effect.

When I hear a song, it takes me back to a specific time, a memory from my past. I remember summers and friends by songs. I think of junior high dances and high school volleyball through songs.  I think of my hopes and dreams when the song was popular and love to see what the Lord has actually done in my life since that time. 

Songs remind me of the Lord's faithfulness. 

Today I pulled out several of my favorite old cds and popped them in my car. As I drove and listened to those songs, I made a conscious effort to think back on the memories they sparked. Doing this reminded me of all the Lord has done for me. 

He has given me a hope.

He has determined my steps.

He has worked for my good.

He has proven trustworthy.

He has provided for me. 

He has blessed me.

He has taught me.

He has disciplined me.

He has changed me.

He has shaped me.

He has given me more than I could have imagined.

He has determined my portion.

He has acted on my behalf.

He has loved me.

He has never forsaken me.

He has conformed me to his image.

He has changed my heart.

He has made me more than a conqueror.

He has been my portion.

The Lord has done so much for me and in thinking back on certain times in my life, I can see how faithful my Jesus really is. 

I look forward to listening to the songs of my current interest and thinking back to this moment in my life.  In that, I am certain I will see the same anthem...faithfulness. It is Jesus' nature. He cannot deny his own faithfulness because it is who he is.  I am thankful that he allows me to see him as that, a faithful father. 

Try it.

Dig for those cds and tapes and let your memory go. 

Thank Jesus for all he has been!

I Have One friend...

I have one friend. Actually, I have more than one. I have many friends. Many great friends. 

I have one friend who has been my friend since elementary Girl Scouts. She is funny and talented and treats me like a sister. She is the only sister I've ever known. We've schemed together, prayed together, cooked together, laughed together, cried together, dreamed together; we enjoy being together. She has taught me that it is never too late to take up a new hobby. She has also taught me that when you start it, finish it and do the best job you possibly can. I've learned that she handles adversity better than I do. I've also learned that, through Jesus, friends can grow closer with each passing year.  

I have one friend who joined my life when I needed a spark of creativity and energy. She keeps me up on the latest, the greatest, the trendiest.  Each time I am around her, I am reminded of how real she is. She is honest, she knows herself, she knows me and she still loves me for all of my shortcomings. This girl has rhythm.  She is dramatic, funny and full of life. She makes everyone feel comfortable and as though they are her best friend. The Lord has shaped her and changed her and blessed me through her. Because of her, I have learned that the Lord has my greatest desires in mind and is able to do more than I can ever ask or imagine. She is a great teacher, daughter, wife and friend.

I have one friend who knew my husband long before I did. This girl knows how to trust. She is a testimony of God's faithfulness and provision and the way she chooses to live her life reminds me of these attributes. She knows the truths of God and they are always on her lips.  I complain to her and she lets me. Then, she gently rebukes me and sharpens me in the sweetest, most loving manner. I see her often, but much less than I would like to. She is a precious fragrance in my life. She, her husband and her children have brought so much laughter and joy to my family. Together, the Lord has changed our hearts from knowing only the facts of Jesus' love, to the ways he still chooses to work in the hearts and lives of believers.  She is gentle and patient and accepting and prayerful and encouraging.

I have one friend who is so similar to me. She thinks much like I do, she lives much like I do and she is precious to me. I admire her and respect her. I love her pure, deep love for Christ and the way he woos her heart to his each day. She is funny and strong and wise and a deep-thinker. I have sought her counsel and trusted her advice.  She is a great mother and wife and really loves the people in her life. I love her stability and intensity.  She has taught me to treasure each moment and to find simple ways to remind those around me of my love for them. She is as refreshing as the ocean breeze!

I have one friend who gives. And then she gives some more. And more and more and more. She is one of the greatest friends I have known. She is funny, witty, like-able and strong. She has not let life's set-backs impel her future. She serves the Lord and people with no reservations. She gives of her time, her money and her talents. She is true, down-to-earth, and loved by so many. Her life of ministry has had far greater reach than she will ever know. I can testify; it has reached so far down into my heart that I am more in love with Jesus because of her. I watch her, I study her and then I thank Jesus that he placed that precious heart inside of my friend. She is a treasure!

I have one friend who is family. I loved her before she was family, but being family has strengthened my love for her. She is prepared, thorough and kind-hearted. She has shown me what forgiveness means. Forgiveness is a lifestyle, a daily choice. Through her, I've grown to understand the discipline of following Christ. She is a fabulous mother and friend. She is a loving sister and daughter. She is an encourager and a perfectionist. She is sensitive to others and speaks only kind words. She is open, honest, witty and fun. I am so thankful that we are family!

I have one friend who is the life of the party. When she shows up, memories are made. She is smart and talented. She is also honest and giving. She pours her self into her tasks and always produces perfection. She is adveturous and spontaneous. She is a supporter.  She goes out of her way to give to others. Because of her, I've laughed until my side hurt on too many occasions.

I have one friend who is new. She has been a huge blessing in my life. We are similar in spirit, in heart and in life. She has encouraged me in motherhood and been available to me. She is easy to be around, loved by all and so special to me.  She is beautiful, genuine, a steward and full of energy. She pours herself into her family and because of that, her children will call her blessed. She has given me her time, her ear, her love and her resources. I am so thankful for my newest friend.

The Lord has poured loving and pure women into my life. The greatest thing about each of these friendships is that, in the end, they all reflect the love of Jesus. The creative, perfect, genuine, joyful, real, wise love of my Savior. Thank you Jesus for friends! 

I am so grateful for my one friend. 

Get Your Green On

In honor of Going Green, I thought I would share some of my recent findings. 

I have struggled with housing cleaning supplies that can potentially harm my children. As many times as I've considered giving up cleaning all together for the sake of the kids health, I know deep down that the cleaning show must go on! Every cleaning product is placed so far out of read, for the sake of the kids, that even I cannot reach them.  Thankfully, my husband was thoughtful and purchased me my very own step stool. He's a romantic. 

I am not completely organic, nor am I all natural, but I am trying to make wiser choices. My former 'convenience' is being challanged. 

Here are a few tips I've used for a while, as well as a few of my most recent findings. 

Go here, here, here or here for useful website on making your own household cleaning products.

Whiter Whites

I pour vinegar in with my load of whites. It is great for keeping the whites stark and removing dinginess. I don't do this each time, but more often than not, I do. With a large load (is there anything other than a large load?) I probably pour close to  1/4 cup. Better yet, I give the bottle a 3ish second pour.  How is that for being exact? :) I'm just estimating because I never measure it. You cannot smell in on the clothes once cleaned. 

Great Window Cleaner

12-16oz. water

1/2 cup white vinegar

1/4 cup rubbing alcohol

My mother-in-law found this recipe and it works great!

Shining Hardwood Floors

Equal parts Vegetable Oil and Vinegar

Toothpaste

Equal parts peroxide and baking soda

Hand Soap

Use bubble bath for hand soap. Simply refill your soap dispenser with great smelling bubble bath.

I have not done this yet because I haven't needed hand soap since I read this tip, but I think it would be fun, especially in the kids bathroom.

I've also found several recipe for making your own laundry detergent. Has anyone ever done this? If not, does anyone want to be the guine pig and try it? Just curious :) From what I have read you can make a batch for less than a dollar. Just think of all the people we could bless with the money we normally would spend on detergent! Check out the recipe here.  I say we all give it a shot. I am almost out of detergent!

Environmentally safe does not mean child safe, make sure to thoroughly label all bottles and keep all supplies out of reach. Do it for the sake of the kids!

Cardboard Testimony

There is more to a book than just the cover. 

Though the cover may seem appealing, the content may leave you lacking. And vice versa, some of the greatest reading material has nothing outwardly that appeals.  So it goes with every area of life, and churches are no different. Because my husband has been in ministry since we were married, I've known him in no other role. Our church is also our employer. Just like any job, a minister (or minister's wife) knows the ins-and-outs of their employer. We know what lies beneath the worship and the message and the smiles. Being on staff at a church allows you to know the heart of those leading the church, in a way many other members often never see. 

Is anyone out there getting nervous about what I am going to say?

I am so thankful for the churches the Lord has allowed us to serve in. The Lord has given us great provision in the places he has called us. The heart of the elders and ministers at our current church bless me. They really do. I can say with all honesty, that I admire the integrity, wisdom, discernment and love that the staff of our church has; my husband included. 

The Lord has stirred many things in my soul over the past year. The two most evident, are contentment and generosity. 

Jesus has shown me the beauty and the joy of having a heart that is content in him, content with my circumstances, with my resources, with my life, in general. I feel so ungrateful putting those words down, but my flesh battles the Lord's desire for contentment. My flesh longs for more, looks to the future, prepares for tomorrow, contemplates every move. But my spirit has tasted the goodness of finding enjoyment with each moment. My heart has found solace in being fully fulfilled by the job I am called to.  And my mind has found rest by not yearning for what is not mine, by not feeling that more of anything would provide the answers to my desires.  But godliness with contentment is great gain.

The second truth the Lord has impressed upon my heart is generosity. You see, generosity is easy for many, but not for the greedy. And that is me, greedy. I want what is due me, I cling to what I have, and I have a hard time giving of all I have, or at least I did. I still struggle, but as I've been reminded recently the antidote to greed is giving.  

I've never minded giving when it fit within logic. I am not talking about tithing, I mean giving...freely giving above what makes sense, above what fits into my budget. I would give to others when there was enough to keep a fair share for myself first. I looked out for number one. It is easy to give when it cost you nothing. If I give $20 to a neighbor in need when there is one hundred times that in the bank, what faith is there? But, when the need increases to several hundred dollars and that is ALL that is in the bank account, you better believe I was not that foolish. I had to take care of number one, remember? That was until the Lord began to reveal the greed that had taken root in my heart. As he began to show my sin for what it was, I was ashamed. I have been brought to tears on more than one occasion over my selfishness.  Jesus has began to give light to my heart and allow my mind to really grasp what it means to be only a manager, a steward. 

Our pastor has recently been teaching on the latter of my learnings. He has talked in depth about many of the things the Lord had already been stirring in my soul.  

Over a week ago, he preached out of Luke 16. In verse 9 Jesus tells us to use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourself, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings.

As he went on, the holy spirit so gently began to show me many ways I can use all I have been entrusted with to pour into the lives of others. As I use my earthly wealth to gain friends, I am leading them to a deeper knowledge of my Savior. I am also leading myself to that place. The thought of having a  welcoming crowd to await me in the kingdom thrills me. Many people have given of their wealth and because of that, I know the Lord. I am so thankful for the changes in my life since that beautiful day when I was in the 5th grade, and Jesus became the Lord over my life. It reminded me of the old Ray Boltz song (don't laugh).

As fifty plus members of our church walked out presenting their cardboard testimony for all to see, I felt my eyes fill with tears. These were my friends, staff members, volunteers, and devoted followers.  Their cardboard testimony was a statement of who they used to be. As they flipped their piece of cardboard over, the new sentence revealed what they have become. 

Some stated things like:

Convicted Felon---Small Group Leader

Three stillborn babies---Living with Joy and awaiting our reunion

Living with Cancer---By HIS stripes, I am healed

Christian Imposter---Truly in love with Jesus

Struggled with infertility, doubted God---Blessed by our child's adoption in 2007...and pregnant!

I thought Christian men were weak---I am one

God Robber----Giving of all I have been given

Born with a terminal illness and never expected to live to age two----I'll be three next month

Our pastor's wife walked out with her neurologist. 

Her cardboard read, "Diagnosed with MS in May of 2007" 

Her neurologists' said, "Her Unchurched doctor"

He flipped his to reveal, "Baptized Easter of 2008"

She flipped hers to reveal, "Worth It!"

There were so many testimonies of life change.  Each person's life had been changed through an outpouring of generosity by one or more people. This is why we use our earthly wealth to gain friends. This is why we give of all we have. Not to be caught in a bubble of Christianity, but to win as many to the Lord as we can while we live this short life. 

With that, I've spent over a week trying to think of my cardboard testimony.  I've turned it over and over in my mind. Not because I cannot think of one, but because I can think of so so so many. There are numerous changes the Lord has brought about in my life. 

My Cardboard Testimony:

Stingy---Steward

What is your cardboard testimony?

Ramblings...

Do you ever sit down to face the daunting computer screen without so much as a word on your mind?

This is where I am tonight. 

Blank.

Not even I know what will flow from my fingertips, so here goes...

Number 1:

I've always struggled with fear. 

Fear of failure. 

Fear of ridicule. 

Fear of sorrow. 

Fear of death. 

Fear of the unknown. 

Fear of fear. 

I can remember being young and crying myself to sleep over a fear that had not even come to pass. My parents divorcing, my mom having another baby, sickness, heartache, so many things. I truly believe my mind is a battlefield and my struggle is not against flesh and blood. Rather it is against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Eph.6) 

With that knowledge, I know the Lord calls me to battle. To take hold of the victory which he has already conquered. 

When an event like sweet Lilly's passing happens, I am not only flooded by overwhelming sorrow, but also with fear. 

The devil begins to get a foothold in the vast array of thoughts that flood my mind.  

Fear shows its face. 

I can't sleep. 

I can't eat. 

I can't keep my thoughts focused. 

I can't enjoy what I have been given. 

I have to battle to take each thought captive. I have to forcefully declare the powerful name of Jesus. I have to cling so tightly to what I have come to know to be true. 

If my faith is not there in the hardest of times, is it really a faith at all? 

Of course I question, but who doesn't?

Questions do not mean that I disregard everything I have found to be true and right. 

My Jesus is my Jesus is my Jesus is my Jesus. 

Always.

My non-negotiable, remember?

But fear is my thorn in the flesh.

It is my sin that does not depart from me. The one I battle over and over again.

My thoughts that can churn with ideas of creativity, love, joy and excitement quickly slip into thoughts of darkness, sorrow, anxiety and fear. 

But I press on. 

I take hold of that which Christ Jesus has called me. 

Not to live in a spirit of fear, but rather one of power. 

One of love. 

One of a sound mind. 

Number 2:

Last Wednesday night as my husband finished up talking to the hundreds of high schoolers that had gathered, he began an illustration about my son.  

I had taken the kids to the service so that Noah could listen to the band play and daddy talk. As Brad began the illustration, he called for Noah to come up on stage. 

He showed off his lil' buddy. 

Brad spoke on worship. About following the father and imitating him. He began to tell how Noah mimics everything he does. From running and jumping to laughing and chewing, he wants to be just like his daddy!

As he spoke, my big boy (almost 2 now) just stood there.

Holding daddy's hand.

Gazing up at him. 

In awe of his big, strong, intelligent, super-star dad.

My eyes filled with tears as I watched the bond between my husband and my son grow stronger in that moment.

When did my baby grow into such a big boy? 

Precious memories.

Might I add that he was quite a stud up on that stage? Noah and Brad. What a combo!

Number 3:

I have to go to the doctor tomorrow. You know, THE doctor. Yep.

Number 4: 

The time change really has thrown me for a loop. 

It always does. 

Why can't every state be like Arizona and forego the time change. 

There are few things in life that should not change. 

Time being one of them.

Number 5:

Why is Easter so early this year? How does that work anyway? What are the rules for deciding when Easter Sunday falls? I know many holidays follow some type of rule, what is Easters? 

Number 6:

I'm finished and going to bed!

Applause!

Please, Please Pray

This has been a hard day in my circle of loved ones.

Mandy is one of my dearest friends. Her family is so precious to me, they have been such an important part of my life. Mandy's neice, Lilly, passed away yesterday.  Lilly was three and a half months old.

If this sounds familiar from my blog it is because a very similar situation happened to some sweet friends of ours less than two weeks ago. The same questions and aching rings true in my soul.

All I am asking right now is that you pray. 

Please, please pray.

Pray for Richard and Jennifer, Lilly's parents.

Pray for sweet Mandy and Sam.

Pray for the grandparents.

Pray that the Lord floods their hearts with peace and strength.

I am just at a loss for words and strength at this point.

Jesus, please be. Be I AM. 

 

iWorship

Worship is not an issue, it is THE issue.

We all worship. 

Christians and non-Christians.

We all worship.

The old testament talks mostly of external worship, serving the Lord.  

The new testament is directed at internal worship, reverencing the Lord.

Both are ways that we express the love we have toward our Father.  Both are important, necessary for worshiping God.

My husband meets with a great man of the Lord one morning a month. During their time together, my husband is encouraged and uplifted so much. It always shows in his words and demeanor.  One evening, while telling me of their time together, he said he was asked one question:

What are the non-negotiables in your life?

For many months this question has lingered in the back of my mind.

What are the 'things' in my life that are non-negotiable?  The things I cannot go without.  The 'items' that are so vital for my well-being that they simply are not disputable.  

My Savior. 

Every other person, thing, area, desire, hope, love, and on and on, are negotiable.  They can be taken from me, and if they are, I will survive.  Though some 'things' are held much much dearer to my heart, they are still not the very foundation of my being.

Jesus, on the other hand, is!

HE is my non-negotiable.

HE is the one I worship.  

I truly desire for each area of my life to be an outpouring of worship to my Father.  

Sometimes I don't worship the Lord. Many times I don't worship the Lord. 

I worship my spouse.

I worship my kids.

I worship our finances.

I worship myself. 

I worship my schedule.

I worship my expectations.

Worship is the organized center of my life, where I place my thoughts, my time, my affections, my abilities, and my sacrifice.  

The Lord has been awakening my heart to keep my worship in check.  With each thought, I am giving my worship to someone or something.  With each action I am reflecting the one I worship.  

My creator is to be worshiped.

His creation is to be enjoyed.

I pray I will always have a deep conviction when my worship is turned towards Jesus' creation rather than the person of Jesus.  

Mark Driscoll reminded me (in a podcast which I would link, but now I don't even know how I got to it...one click led to another and so on.) that God is not in need of me.  I am not made out of God's lacking, but rather out of his great love.  Because of that, we humbly come to God to receive. As God initiates and we respond, he gains glory and we find joy.  

As Jesus works in my heart, I respond to his workings. I respond to his grace.  In my response he is glorified!  His his glorification my heart and soul find joy!

Jesus be glorified in the response of this heart that is so desperate to know you more.  For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever. Amen.

Romans 11:36

Precious Baby Girl

My day. 

My day has been fine, nothing out of the ordinary. I've showered, played with  my kids, made breakfast, taken Noah to "school", spent time with a friend, had lunch with another friend, tutored 4 kids, and enjoyed the brisk chill in the air.

But who cares?

 

Surely not our sweet friend's the Rushes'.  Their 3 1/2 month old daughter, Ryane, passed away yesterday.  We received news that their precious, lively little girl had gone to be with our Jesus. What, you ask, happened. They really aren't sure. When her daddy went to pick her up from day care, he pulled around an ambulance to enter the building only to find that it was HIS baby they were there on behalf of. What an awful, awful day. They still are not sure what took her from them. Choking on an object, or merely the breathing subsided? They don't know.  

My heart hurts so much.  My mommy-love is aghast. I just don't know how you pick up the pieces.  

Ryane was a month and a half younger than Kayt, therefore we journeyed through our pregnancies together.  They were sweet to think of our arrival in the midst of preparing for their daughter.  We, of course, did the same for them. Sending gifts and sweet notes of love and encouragement. We even spoke about how precious it would be when we were well along in years, both dropping our girls of to be Red Raiders. (Seeing as that's how we met the two of them, at Tech) We agreed we would sob together as our little princess parted from our homes of provision to make a life of their own.

But somehow their little blessing left their home before anyone intended. So, I sob with them now. 

Only she will not step into the classroom at a university, rather onto streets of gold. Nor will she ever walk down the aisle to meet her groom, but rather sit in the lap of her bridegroom. Though mommy and daddy won't rock her to sleep another night, Jesus will. Or maybe Paul. Or the Great-Grandfather she never met.  Have you ever wondered what kind of lullaby the angels sing? Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty. My heart tells me that heaven's lullaby's are more beautiful than mine could ever be.  And my mind knows Jesus' love reaches a greater level than a parent's can ever dream of. 

Although true, do those thoughts heal a wounded heart? Does it give clarity to a situation without an answer? Thankfully for us, when we don't have the answer Jesus reminds us that he IS the answer.  Just Jesus. 

But the thought run ramped in my mind. Why not us? Why them? My baby. Oh how I love my babies. How? How do you arise the next morning when your heart seems to heavy to lift from the pillow?  My fingers tremble while I attempt to envision the pain the must be feeling. Although I can try, I cannot feel their pain. And to be frank, I hope I never do.

So pray with me.

Please! 

Take a moment and pray for the Lord's peace over the Rush household. 

If I were in this situation, I would want everyone petitioning heaven on my behalf. 

Even strangers. 

Now go. 

Play.

Read.

Laugh. 

Tickle.

Make Messes.

Let the Laundry Go.

I bet my friends wish they could.

But their hearts are too heavy, too grief stricken. So let sweet Ryane's life touch you. May it spur us all on toward knowing Jesus more, enjoying life, and remembering that the days are fleeting and our lives are but a vapor. 

Sweet Jesus, I beg and plead for your peace to flood the hearts of this wounded mommy and daddy.  Remind them your love is sufficient. Please rock their tired bodies and whisper sweet lullaby's of love into their aching hearts. Holy Spirit intercede for this Saint who has no appropriate words to pray.