Though the cover may seem appealing, the content may leave you lacking. And vice versa, some of the greatest reading material has nothing outwardly that appeals. So it goes with every area of life, and churches are no different. Because my husband has been in ministry since we were married, I've known him in no other role. Our church is also our employer. Just like any job, a minister (or minister's wife) knows the ins-and-outs of their employer. We know what lies beneath the worship and the message and the smiles. Being on staff at a church allows you to know the heart of those leading the church, in a way many other members often never see.
Is anyone out there getting nervous about what I am going to say?
I am so thankful for the churches the Lord has allowed us to serve in. The Lord has given us great provision in the places he has called us. The heart of the elders and ministers at our current church bless me. They really do. I can say with all honesty, that I admire the integrity, wisdom, discernment and love that the staff of our church has; my husband included.
The Lord has stirred many things in my soul over the past year. The two most evident, are contentment and generosity.
Jesus has shown me the beauty and the joy of having a heart that is content in him, content with my circumstances, with my resources, with my life, in general. I feel so ungrateful putting those words down, but my flesh battles the Lord's desire for contentment. My flesh longs for more, looks to the future, prepares for tomorrow, contemplates every move. But my spirit has tasted the goodness of finding enjoyment with each moment. My heart has found solace in being fully fulfilled by the job I am called to. And my mind has found rest by not yearning for what is not mine, by not feeling that more of anything would provide the answers to my desires. But godliness with contentment is great gain.
The second truth the Lord has impressed upon my heart is generosity. You see, generosity is easy for many, but not for the greedy. And that is me, greedy. I want what is due me, I cling to what I have, and I have a hard time giving of all I have, or at least I did. I still struggle, but as I've been reminded recently the antidote to greed is giving.
I've never minded giving when it fit within logic. I am not talking about tithing, I mean giving...freely giving above what makes sense, above what fits into my budget. I would give to others when there was enough to keep a fair share for myself first. I looked out for number one. It is easy to give when it cost you nothing. If I give $20 to a neighbor in need when there is one hundred times that in the bank, what faith is there? But, when the need increases to several hundred dollars and that is ALL that is in the bank account, you better believe I was not that foolish. I had to take care of number one, remember? That was until the Lord began to reveal the greed that had taken root in my heart. As he began to show my sin for what it was, I was ashamed. I have been brought to tears on more than one occasion over my selfishness. Jesus has began to give light to my heart and allow my mind to really grasp what it means to be only a manager, a steward.
Our pastor has recently been teaching on the latter of my learnings. He has talked in depth about many of the things the Lord had already been stirring in my soul.
Over a week ago, he preached out of Luke 16. In verse 9 Jesus tells us to use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourself, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings.
As he went on, the holy spirit so gently began to show me many ways I can use all I have been entrusted with to pour into the lives of others. As I use my earthly wealth to gain friends, I am leading them to a deeper knowledge of my Savior. I am also leading myself to that place. The thought of having a welcoming crowd to await me in the kingdom thrills me. Many people have given of their wealth and because of that, I know the Lord. I am so thankful for the changes in my life since that beautiful day when I was in the 5th grade, and Jesus became the Lord over my life. It reminded me of the old Ray Boltz song (don't laugh).
As fifty plus members of our church walked out presenting their cardboard testimony for all to see, I felt my eyes fill with tears. These were my friends, staff members, volunteers, and devoted followers. Their cardboard testimony was a statement of who they used to be. As they flipped their piece of cardboard over, the new sentence revealed what they have become.
Some stated things like:
Convicted Felon---Small Group Leader
Three stillborn babies---Living with Joy and awaiting our reunion
Living with Cancer---By HIS stripes, I am healed
Christian Imposter---Truly in love with Jesus
Struggled with infertility, doubted God---Blessed by our child's adoption in 2007...and pregnant!
I thought Christian men were weak---I am one
God Robber----Giving of all I have been given
Born with a terminal illness and never expected to live to age two----I'll be three next month
Our pastor's wife walked out with her neurologist.
Her cardboard read, "Diagnosed with MS in May of 2007"
Her neurologists' said, "Her Unchurched doctor"
He flipped his to reveal, "Baptized Easter of 2008"
She flipped hers to reveal, "Worth It!"
There were so many testimonies of life change. Each person's life had been changed through an outpouring of generosity by one or more people. This is why we use our earthly wealth to gain friends. This is why we give of all we have. Not to be caught in a bubble of Christianity, but to win as many to the Lord as we can while we live this short life.
With that, I've spent over a week trying to think of my cardboard testimony. I've turned it over and over in my mind. Not because I cannot think of one, but because I can think of so so so many. There are numerous changes the Lord has brought about in my life.
My Cardboard Testimony:
Stingy---Steward
What is your cardboard testimony?
10 comments:
loved the pastors wife/neurologist story!
Ashley,
You summed up the past few weeks (especially the cardboard testimony sermon) so well. I don't think there were many dry eyes in the church after that Sunday. What a great way to welcome people into the church who were visiting for the first time, and maybe thought that they couldn't attend because of what they have done in their lives. This entire message series has been a blessing. Jeremy and I have been amazed at what God has done in our lives, as well as those around us since we put our trust in Him financially. I am so glad that Brad is part of the leadership at our church. I know you guys will have a wonderful "welcoming committee" one day in Heaven because of all you have done.
In Him,
Lindsay Self
Wow! What a beautiful story! Thank you SO much for sharing this with us...
KL
Ashley, thank you so much for sharing your heart on this blog. I was honestly so touched by this entry, and I was convicted because of my own tendency to save, keep, and store up my things for myself and my family. Why I am so set on saving, keeping, and storing things that need cleaning, maintenance, and give nothing but false hope; I have no idea. But what I do know is that true treasure comes from Jesus Christ, and he has instructed me to store up my treasures in Heaven. I went to ladies bible class this morning at my church and this was the end quote of the class "We are not in the land of the living heading towards the land of the dead; we are in the land of the dead headed towards the land of the living" The things of this earth are dead, their only value is to use them in such a way to glorify God and bring others closer to him. Thanks for sharing your heart, I connected and I am better for what you have said.
Love, Cassie
Thanks for sharing your heart, your struggles, and the way the Lord has changed you. That was a true challenge to me...thanks!
This is beautiful! :)
I just wanted you to know that I have enjoyed reading your blog so much. You are truly a woman of God! Thank you for sharing your stuggles so honestly. I struggle also with the stingy....We give our tithe, but I find it very hard to willingly give more than that. To fully trust the Lord to provide our NEEDS not my wants but our NEEDS! I loved the preacher's wife and the neurologist cardboard testimony...How awesome! Thank you for making me think about my cardboard testimony! Your kiddos are beautiful! I look forward to your next post!
Your sister in Christ!
Brandy (Robinson) Hall
I read this and I don't think you know how much you touch people. I hope you do... but reading this has certainly made me think of what I will put on MY cardboard testimony.
I look forward to reading your blog. You have made me a better person.
Even better that I found you through the internet. :)
Ashley- This is so powerful! Thank you for your honesty and your willingness to be so transparent. God is so good, and I was so blessed by reading this. My cardboard testimony has so many facets. It's hard to narrow it down, but you've deffinately got me thinking, girl! WOW!
It's so late, I don't even know why I am up, well that's a lie... I am working on a painting, can't you tell? As I type these words, I am working on a painting. :) Well, actually it's drying and I am waiting for the next layer and I felt God calling me to read on. So here I am. Thank you for sharing your cardboard testimony, I am guessing for everyone they would have to have a lot of those to show a life in Christ because once we become something renewed, that reneal needs a new renewing...so to speak. My church did the same thing on Easter sunday and a young girl, in her late teens got up there on stage in front of the whole congrigation, chewing her gum in a rapid nervous pace and showed her card... it read "molested as a child" and when she turned over it said "loved by the King" it was beautiful! I noticed how a lot of people responded to your blog but didn't answer your question...
If had to sum up my walk thus far with Christ mine would read
Longing to be loved...God's beloved
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