I need input. Will you take a minute and let me know about your view of transparency?
Who is the most transparent person you know? Is being transparent always a good thing? Has the Lord ever spoken a specific message to you about being open with others? What measures have you taken to become open and honest with those around you, with the Lord?
What benefit is there to vulnerability?
Answer one of these questions, several of of them or share anything you wish about being or becoming transparent. I am looking for input from various women for something I am working on. There is no specific answer that I am looking for, just words of wisdom, life lessons and encouragement on the subject of transparency.
Thanks!
11 comments:
My facebook status refers to you, by the way. :)
You could probably answer this question about me better than I could...how transparent have I been with you? I am pretty sure I've never held anything back, including some things that seemed awkward to say at the time, but the Lord ended up blessing our friendship more because of them.
I trust that the Lord has called me to be completely transparent about the fact that I am an eternally flawed and imperfect person. That is something everyone can, and should, know.
It is beneficial and wise to share struggles and triumphs with trustworthy and intimate friends/family, such as yourself. Dragging dark things into the light brings redemption and causes sin to lose its power. It is pain with gain.
I believe it is unwise to delve into things with people whose hearts may be spiritually too premature to understand your personal struggle. With those people, I have always believed it was better to take the role of the encourager rather than the one who needs discipling.
I could go on and on, but the one thing I would say to sum it up is this:
Vulnerability brings intimacy. There are appropriate levels of intimacy to have with different people, so there are appropriate levels of vulnerability to display. To decide what level of it to have with a certain person, listen to, and obey the Holy Spirit.
It is a conscious choice.
I have chosen complete vulnerability with a select few in my life and God has cultivated relationships with those few in ways that it would take away a piece of my heart to lose them. You included. :)
Deep post... but I love it.
I think I am pretty transperant, especially those who are in my core group. The most transparent person I know is my girl friend Angela, I am not shocked by things... I have gone to porn conventions, am a pastors wife and have heard Many, many things but my girl angela still shocks me. I love it.
Sin has no power when there is light on it. That is the biggest benefit to being vulnerable. There is freedom and it allows people to connect in a real way.
I have gotten in trouble many times by being open. I have wanted to take it all back and close up but ultimately I know I can help others by sharing what I deal with. H
Ashley, great question! I have been more transparent with my husband than anyone else. It is such a secure feeling to have him love me just the same when I share the things I am most ashamed about. It makes me want to draw closer to the Lord to know that Matt still love me so unconditionally. Transparency is so constructive with the right people, but I agree with the previous comment about using discrepancy with people who may not be trustworthy or willing to pray with you.
Wow, I really dig what Magen and Heather said.
To be honest, I'm not sure I know that many transparent people. I do know a lot of guarded people that have been hurt one too many times in the past, guarded people who were never taught to be transparent in the first place. Me included.
As Magen said, being transparent can be both wise and unwise. I'm all for being honest with people, but it's seems unwise to unload my deepest, darkest spiritual struggles with someone I just met or with hearts "spiritually too premature."
But I have no doubt God is glorified whenever truth is told. When dark is brought into light. I've been going through a Celebrate Recovery program and it's been extremely frightening actually practicing what I preach! Just last night, I went through part of my spiritual inventory (specifically pages and pages of resentments!) with a sponsor, a lady I barely know, but as painful as it seems, a heavy burden was lifted. Years and years of muck brought into the light and the healing process can truly begin now. Baby steps, baby steps, but to hope, to know, that my baby steps of obedience will bring forth all the more peace, all the more grace, all the more greatness that is Christ into my heart and hopefully into others.
WOW...transparency...great one Ashley. I used to be very transparent but too transparent. I was transparent to people I should not have been transparent too. There is such a healthy balance between being transparent to the right people and then taking a step back with the other people with discernment and being a little less. It's just finding the healthy balance and discernment has a great deal to do with it to me as a person.
Hey Ashley ... great post. I also agree that it is important to be careful. I am transparent with everyone in the sense that I am open about my failings and don't try to be someone I'm not. But there is usually a guard around certain areas. In the end, for me, as long as I am totally transparent with one or two people, I can be mostly transparent with everyone else.
I used to think I was too open to too many people (everyone!). Since being in our life group with you guys though I think that my view of this has changed. You guys have told us on more than one occasion that we (Jeremy & I) "set the bar" as far how vulnerably honest we were going to be with each other. That is the first time I have ever seen my inability to hold anything back as a good thing. Great discussion!
Ok, what exactly does Lezlie mean on her post? Is she saying that we should be transparent and to not hold anything back? Or just being vulnerable in groups and with people such as in your life group? This is such a good conversation that I am really interested in!
Ok, I am so sorry that I keep writing Ashley but I just read Nina's. I do agree that when the deepest darkest things are brought in to the light, healing really does begin. I still think that we need to be careful WHO we are transparent to...lessons I have learned myself. NOT a wall necessarily but just being cautious who we are transparent to and using discernment here. When we use discernment in this issue, we can not only heal ourselves by being transparent to the right people but also by being healed ourselves, we can share with others so that they may be healed as well. Does this make sense?
Magen is so right about vulnerability and transparency gaging intimacy. If you do not truly spend time in someone's inner thoughts hearing their deepest desires, how well can you really know them? This includes relationships with people and the Lord.
I am into analogies, so I started thinking about transparency and the TV commercial where the birds fly into the clean window came into my head. Transparency can be a form of cleansing & cleanliness like the Windex for the windows.
Also, when something is transparent, light is able to shine through versus something opaque which hinders light. If I am transparent, I am allowing Christ's light and glory to shine from me.
Well, I have struggled for months now about sharing my testimony here in bloggyland. I didn't want to do it, even though I felt that the Lord was asking me too. As hard as it was, I'm glad I did it. I have been blessed by the strength of so many friends and sisters in Christ here that have been through similar life experiences. Maybe that is the reason why. I'm still kinda a chicken about sharing it in person. I mean it's a lot easier here where I don't personally know anyone (except a small handful)and most likely will never meet any of you in person. But, I also realized that there were a lot of people here that would be able to relate to me better if they knew more about me that just the "fun" uplifting stuff I like to share. There is good and bad with everything. I think you have to just go to the Lord with everything and then follow His lead, where ever that might be. ~BLessings
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