I am not the same person that I was years ago, even just a few short years ago. I am a different person. Aside from Jesus doing radical transformations inside of me, I have three little people and one dark haired guy to thank.
I had a color coordinated closet and was not even satisfied with the second highest grade. I laid my clothes out the night before and I had my jewelry organized.
I was a perfectionist by nature. My first-born tendencies encouraged me to be a leader and to take initiative.
Somewhere after the birth of my oldest and the latest diaper of my youngest, I have become a changed woman.
My color coordinated closet is now a place that I am thankful to have laundry free and all the articles hanging up.
My drive to achieve the best has been traded for the simple things in life and a love for the ordinary, mundane and beautiful.
My initiative to lay out clothing, plan for each day, need to have a schedule and enjoyment of planning my weeks out has turned into a basic layout: breakfast comes first, lunch is in the middle and dinner is the finale. Naps come in between and I give myself one task per day. Literally. It is all about setting one's self up for success, right?
My jewelry is in one drawer, in a tangled mess. And some of it is in Kayt's room and is now considered princess accessories.
I am less likely to place myself in any leadership role because I don't know who may come down with a sickness, what type of shape my house will be in or who may be long overdue for a nap at any given time.
I am more uncomfortable in group settings and I enjoy reserving my time for my four favorite people. I am less of a people pleaser and more concerned about allowing my actions to be in response to what Jesus has given me and done for me. I am slower to judge or criticize because I know how deeply I desire not to have judgement or criticism attached to me by others.
The most reassuring thing is that none of me is lost. I have learned to lay down some of the things inside of me that stifled the work of the Holy Spirit. I am a person who keeps most things personal. Being an "open book" takes conscious intent. I am learning who I was really created to be, at least in this stage of life. And I am enjoying it deeply.
Isn't it lovely how giving life to people can change you to the core? Even without being intentional about opening my heart to the ways Jesus wants to change me, he chooses his little ones to open it up and usher in sweet changes.
9 comments:
Ashley- You are a great writer and I love reading your blog! You have wonderful and geniune perspective! Thanks!
It makes me feel so good to know that I share some of the same thoughts as such an amazing woman :) One thing that I am getting better at now is learning to say no. Just last week, I was asked to teach a Sunday school class, and as much as I really wanted to help, I took a deep breath and told the lady that I really could not/should not make any new commitments...in our unorderly, inconsistent, unpredictable sort of life right now :) And while taking care of my family is definitely my biggest priority and purpose right now, I am now struggling with shutting myself out to the world and creating a little safety zone here. Is this normal, too?
Thank you, Maci. You are always so encouraging and it means a lot to me.
Amber, I laughed when I read what you wrote because when I hurriedly typed this out, I wrote a paragraph about saying no, but deleted it when I re-read it because it went off to another point. I agree and I think that it is imperative in saying yes to other things, like family and time with Jesus. You are so right on, sister. I, also, love sharing thoughts with you!
p.s. when the day comes, you will be a wonderful Sunday school teacher, you are a VERY GIFTED teacher. I have always recognized that in you, as do others. But... that is when the right time comes. For now, we have a lot of teaching to do at home. :)
This post is awesome! It's amazing that God's ways often come in little swaddled packages. Reminds me little bit of young Samson. Thank you for sharing such wonderful thoughts!!
You have such a beautiful way of putting feelings into written words! Love this post!
This was beautifully writen and blessed my heart so much tonight. I'm so thankful that there is a movment of moms out there who not only value, but who are activly embracing and loving the first ministry that the Lord has given us within our homes. There are times I have felt alone in this, but the Lord is showing me and leading me to other moms, and it is such a blessing. So thank you for this! It encouraged my heart today. :)
I 100% agree with this post. Life is funny and great!
This was a very lovely post. It's so true and I can totally relate to every word of it. I am not the same person I used to be and I don't want to be. I was telling somebody the other day, that I'm not even the same type of parent I was with my first child than I am now with my second. I was a different mother 7 years ago and its a wonderful thing to see in yourself.
I am so thankful for this post becasue being a mom is hard work, it does change you, when i became a wife I was well on my way to transformation and then two little darlings who sometimes push buttons good and bad you never knew you had take change to a WHOLE new level. I think its refreshing to know that its what God intends for us and to not drap our feet at the diaper changing the splat mat cleaning and the puppet shows done for the 40th time... blessings to you and yours!
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