Since my last, hurried blog, our nation has a new president-elect, the Tahoe has four new tires, my baby girl has contracted the 'yuck' and my home has accumulated astonishing amount of dirt.
I've spent the past few days thinking about expectations.
As a woman, I have expectations to fulfill.
As a wife, I have expectations to live up to.
As a mother, I have expectations depending on me.
As a daughter, I have expectations to keep.
But who has placed the expectations in my heart and mind?
Society? Others? The Lord? Myself?
I have aimed to sort through so many of the 'things' I feel that I am expected to do or expected to be or expected to juggle. Many of the expectations in my mind are placed there each morning by yours-truly.
I love maintaining a spotless home, having home cooked meals on the table each evening, staying caught up on laundry and spending much time primping myself each morning. But I cannot do it all, everyday, and still maintain my soul. I cannot feed my soul, grow up in spiritual maturity and still meet all of my expectations. When I do meet all of my expectations, something is always overlooked. It is usually the thing that matters most, my soul.
I have to let something go. Recently, grabbing dinner on occasion, as opposed to cooking, allows me to spend my day focusing on what matters most, not on what will be eaten that evening. The care of my soul, and the soul's of my spouse and children are what matter most. For me, I also have areas of commitment that I need to step away from. Overcommitting myself, with good intentions, has caused me to push my spirit aside.
If I were to let you know a bit about me, I would tell you that cleaning toilets does not refuel my spirt. It does for some women. I am not one of them. Do I like clean toilets? Yes. But that is not where I get the extra surge of energy that I need in my day? I am learning what does refuel my soul though. And it does not include a mop or a broom.
I am working on examining my expectations, seeing who, or what has placed each particular expectation on my life, and determining whether it is an important expectations, determined by the Lord, or if it is merely an expectation I can let go of to grow up my soul. I cannot run ahead of myself in efforts to reach a certain level of expectation, and throw away the growth that has come at too high of a price.
Some of my expectations seem ludicrous, yet I strive to meet them. Most of the 'things' I expect from myself, I would scoff at the person who actually accomplished them. I would never expect from another what I expect from myself. Am I making any sense? What do you expect from yourself that no one else expects? What can you forgo to focus on your soul? What refuels your spirit?
5 comments:
We actually drove by LifeChurch last weekend and then looked it up on the internet and were considering visiting. Ill let ya know how we like it!
And...my expectations of myself almost make me a little crazy I think! I really thought that staying home with Saylor would give me all kinds of time and energy. No such luck, plenty of things that I expected of myself still get neglected!
This has been my biggest struggle since I started keeping other kids. Nothing ever seems to get "done," I just stay tired, and I get tired of the same old, same old. But the Lord has actually used my feelings of desperation in this area to draw me back to Him. He reminds me that He did not die for my spotless house or impressive meals, but for the souls of my family, the babies I tend to, and me. He also reminds me of the joy that only comes from Him and not from expectations met...so I can smile even through the storm/dirty dishes/laundry :)
To refuel, I also need quality time with Josh, Audrey, and the rest of my family. And Dr. Pepper never hurts either!
Very, very well written and oh so true! I don't even have children yet and often feel exhausted from setting too many expectations on myself. I'm have a very Type A personality and want everything to be "just so". It's hard to keep up with those self imposed expectations - and often unhealthy (physically & spiritually). Thanks for posting. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one and it's nice to see the words on "paper".
Ashley you are so great. I come to your blog to find something hearty to dwell on for a couple of days. You have such an impeccable ability to capture your thoughts and express them to all of us who visit. Your posts are thought provoking and prove just how much you cherish the Lord and your family before yourself or anyone else. Thank you for your dear friendship. I wish I lived closer!
p.s. the backup disc is in the mail!
Post a Comment